I wrote this poem in 2019, during a season when everything in me felt heavy and upside down. Back then I could describe my pain better than my hope. Looking back now, I see how even in the silence and shadows, God was nearer than I realized. Sometimes our darkest words become reminders of how much we needed His light.
The Poem
I’m bathing with darkness
Obscure thoughts as soft light.
Heart cold as the arctic,
Soul smothered with frostbite.
I pain and I ponder more often than not.
When it rains it thunders I wander in fraught.
Dressed in depression my purpose I question.
Oppressed with transgression afraid of regression.
Seeking the light like a moth to a candle,
Desiring love but the flames I can’t handle.
So I lay low and let my wounds fester.
Keep the jokes coming like a court jester.
Hiding behind the tears of a clown I drown
I frown when I smile in the upside down.
Scripture
Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Reflection
The upside down is real. It is the place where pain feels louder than prayer and where smiles are masks for wounds. In those seasons, we may think God is absent, but the truth is the opposite. He draws near to the brokenhearted. He doesn’t step back when we fall into despair. He steps closer.
The upside down may describe your heart today, but it does not have to define your tomorrow. Christ takes the raw weight of our grief and offers Himself as light in the shadows. He does not silence our cries; He meets us in them.
Prayer
Lord, when I feel upside down, remind me that You are near. When my heart feels cold, breathe Your Spirit into me. When my wounds fester, wash me with Your mercy. And when my smile hides pain, teach me to bring it honestly before You. Thank You for being the God who saves the crushed in spirit. Amen.
This devotional was inspired by a poem I first wrote in the upside down moments of my life. If you’d like to read the original raw poem, you can find it here: Upside Down – Poem.
In Luminance 